and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
