my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
