Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize