addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
