i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
