I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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