dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
