she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
