first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize