She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
