A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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