i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize