I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
