my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
