There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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