Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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