Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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