Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
