Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
