This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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