ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
