Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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