bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
