hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
