why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
