FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
