Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
