my phone needs a breathalizer
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
