I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
