My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
