I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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