apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
