i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
