Dual....:-)
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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