Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is classic penis vs brain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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