NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
