I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
