In the future we'll all be gay
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
