Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
