As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
