we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
