wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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