Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
