paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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