All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
