Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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