I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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