i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
