Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
