Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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