my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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