there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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