Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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