weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
