dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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