you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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