I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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