I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
