No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Come see our sink grown plant.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
