absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
