I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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