I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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