I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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