I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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