Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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