remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
