Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize