haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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