I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
